Cholesterol is a funny thing.


                                    

This is a diagram of a cholesterol molecule. The Hs are hydrogen atoms; the hexagrams and pentagram are chemical symbols for Naturally Recurring Carbon Compound Molecules That Nobody Except Carbon Chemists Know The Names Of. I have no idea what the little symbol in the upper right - that looks like a drawing of a radio signal leaving a tower - means.

Cholesterol was invented in the 1970s, when the AMA realized that people were starting to jog and eat yogurt; the docttors were worried that all of those people  who seemed healthy might think that they were healthy, and that simply would not do. So they started sticking us in the end of our finger, after which they would put the blood into a Random Cholesterol Number Generator, which would come out with a number greater than 200 (200 being the minimum "borderline" number)  so that they could tell us to buy drugs and quit eating steak.

The way in which we are supposed to react to our cholesterol number is a little complicated. You want your cholesterol number to be low, except for your HDL number, which you want to be high - but your HDL number (which you want to be high) is part of the total number, which you want to be low.

So you're supposed to exercise - aerobically and resistance training - to raise your HDL number, and you're supposed to eat Bermuda grass and ice cubes to lower your LDL number. But if you raise your HDL number too much, then your TOTAL cholesterol will be too high, so you'll have to eat more Bermuda grass.

Last year, my total cholesterol was around 220, and my HDL was about 90. They told me to get my total number down to 200 or below, but they were glad that my HDL number was so high.

Well, two months ago, I wrecked my motorcycle, and I had to sit around doing nothing for a while. After five weeks, I started running again, but I still can't do any real lifting.

So, today, I had my cholesterol checked, and my total cholesterol was 200 - yay! I'm legal! - but my HDL had gone down to HALF of it's previous number - 44 - so it looks like my LDL actually went UP. So even though my number is BETTER, I'm WORSE.

Tonight, I'm gonna go home, sit down, grab the remote, and eat a steak with sour cream. I've decided that there is no way to win.