Don't Try This At Home, These Are Trained Professionals
I'd like to thank my friend Viki, who just started a new career as a lawyer after years of being a productive citizen, for having joined a profession that makes it necessary to have warnings like this:
This is an advertising skit for a beer commercial in which a young lady trips a waiter and causes him to teeter across the room and fall through the front window of the building.
The disclaimer at the bottom say "Professional stunt. Do not attempt."
Why do they have to tell us not to trip waiters and cause them to fall through plate-glass windows? Simple - because, if they don't print the disclaimer, and I do this, and trouble happens as a result, then some lawyer will come along and explain to me that it's the beer company's fault that I did that, because they showed it happening without warning me not to do it.
And there are judges (judges start out as lawyers, you - when's the last time you met a judge who was an engineer?) who will let such a case be tried, and jurys who will award huge amounts of money to the plaintiff, because they sorta hope that maybe someday they might get lucky in that way, too.
I have an example which would show just how absurd the whole thing has gotten, except for the fact that the whole thing starts out as absurd, so the phrase doesn't fit - there's an ad for a car that shows the car driving along a country road. That's all - it's just driving down the road. Nothing weird happening - it's not giong fast, it's not swerving or doing that sidewise skid that they like to do to show you how cool the car looks - it's just driving along on a country road, at a reasonable rate of speed.
And what does the disclaimer say? "Closed course, professional driver. Do not attempt".
That's right - if you buy this car, do NOT attempt to drive it down the road - but if you do drive it, and you get hurt, don't sue us, because we encouraged you to BUY the car, but warned you NOT to try anything dangerous like driving it.
I'm not making fun of the car company, BTW - I'm making fun of a legal system that requires a company to do something so silly just to protect itself from frivilous lawsuits. It sounds stupid, but so does the idea of a woman sueing McDonald's because she spilled hot coffee in her lap.
I'm reminded of a Warren Miller ski film it which they showed French skiiers skiing out of bounds across a glacier - Warren pointed out that you wouldn't be allowed to go out of bounds like this at a ski hill in America, but that the French are free to ski anywhere that they want to ski, because "the French do not have contingency-fee lawyers".
But we DO have contingency-fee lawyers, so we have warnings like "don't take a bath with this toaster" on our appliances.
Twenty-some years ago, Tom Paxton wrote a song called "One Million Lawyers" to note that the U.S. had achieved that dubious milestone. It's undoubtedly worse now.
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