A Moment Of Silence
With your permission, I'd like for us all to take a moment of silence in observation of the passing of my M3 Power razor:
Four years and a week - that's a long time for a gizmo from the shaving aisle at Wal-Mart to last.
I think that it would have lasted longer, were it not for the fact that it lives in the toiletries bag in my gym bag - a constant state of moisture. The razor itself, actually, still WORKS - it's just so corroded in there that I can't turn it OFF. When I put a new battery in it, it seems to slowly drain that battery. (I'm sort of trying to come up with possible ways to fix this, since I can't afford a new razor, since we're buying a pool1).
I've been thinking about regrowing the hair on my head (now that Ethel's gotten used to me being bald, maybe my looking different might help) -not back out in a pony tail like I had some years back, but just a normal, regular, guy-type length.
However, as I typed that last sentence, I remember that the reason that I grew the pony tail was that I was hoping that being able to just pull it back and snap the ring around it would be easier than having to go through all of that combing and brushing and such - and it turned out to be about the same amount of work.
But not so for the Yul Brynner look - it is so convenient being bald. No primping; no hat head, no helmet hair, no shampooing or conditioning (no Grecian Formula 16) - and it manages expectations, as well. Nobody expects a bald guy to look good - you're just happy if he doesn't turn out to be mean, as well as bald.
I can shave my face and head in about ninety seconds - my primping friends at the gym spend that much time recombing the hair above their left ear, trying to achieve a certain look. I'm fifty years old, you know - I don't have time to spend primping. I'm gonna die soon, and I want to get some stuff done - when I see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says "What accounting can you make of your life?" I don't want to have to say "I had a really nice coiffure".
My father in law says that pouring Coca Cola on battery cables will clean the corrosion right off - maybe I'll try that on my Gillette M3 Power Nitro. If that doesn't work, well, I can't just go buy a new razor, willy-nilly, because (after all) we're buying a pool. But I won't be discouraged - Christmas will come eventually.
1This is my new battle cry - "I can't afford that, since we're buying a pool".
Whilst I admit that I did, indeed, agree to purchase the pool, I've since had second thoughts. "Second Thoughts" is a concept that I have endevoured, in vain, to explain to Ethel - she gets that funny look on her face when I try to explain it to her.
It comes down to this - Ethel and I are not in agreement on the ultimate utility and value of a pool. She sees it as something that will be in the backyard, that will look nice and that we can swim in. I see it in purely in terms of cost/benefit - of ROI (Return On Investmen)t.
Let's just say that the pool were going to cost 50K. It's not that much, but that's a nice round figure (and it's in that order of magnitude). Now, if we put in the pool this year, it'll be too late to do any swimming. So we'll have to wait until next year. (At my age, there may not be a "next year", but then Ethel will get my insurance, and she and Chad the Porsche salesman will be going swimming in the pool, instead).
So let's say that next year, we go swimming - each - 100 times.That's a reasonable number - that would mean that, during the four hottest months of the year, we would each swim 25 days out of every 30 or 31. Okay, that works out like this:
$50K/(2 x 100) = $50K/200 = $250
So, for the first year, we would be paying TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS every time that we got wet. $250 APIECE.
Now, most days, when you have a pool, it's just there to help you cool off a bit; it's been my observation that we didn't spend that much time actually IN the pool - most weekdays, it's just jump into the pool and cool off, swim around for a few minutes, and jump out.
So, on those days, that $250 would be pro-rated over (say) twenty minutes -
$250/20 = $12.50
meaning that we'd be paying TWELVE AND A HALF DOLLARS A MINUTE to swim.
That costs considerably more than going to a doctor - and there's no copay for this; no insurance company is gonna help out at all. The President is not about to request that Congress enact legislation ensuring every man's right to have a swimming pool with a negative edge.
....But that's a close-to-worst case scenario - just having the pool for one year. Let's stretch it out a bit - let's say that we spend five years in the house after the pool is built (that would give us seven years in the house, and that's as long as we've lasted anywhere).
That spreads things out some - such that, over five years, we'd be paying only FIFTY DOLLARS (APIECE) EVERY TIME WE WANT TO JUMP IN THE POOL FOR TWENTY MINUTES. And that works out to only $2.50/minute - heck, that's like making money. I'll be surprised if we don't put up a sign out front and sell tickets - "Come jump in the Puckett's pool for only two-dollar-fifty a minute!" (I don't mind telling you that my salary is less than $2.50/minute - thus, for the life of the pool, it will cost me more to swim in it than I make over the same period of time at the office).
(Why do I have the feeling that being logical and rational and all math-ey about this is going to get me into trouble?...good thing that this is down here in the footnotes, where Ethel will never see it)
Jim, dear, you know that sign that hangs in those places we frequent, the one that says Think, Think, Think? Dear lovieuvums, smoochioochums, this is EXACTLY what they were afraid of. Wonderful, loving, dear husband, most precious soulmate and best friend of mine.....you have now gone behind enemy lines with your brain. :*
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Jim,
Your math is flawed. I've had a pool. It will also cost you approximately 37,283 dollars a year to *maintain* the pool.
Chlorine, shock, algicide, fungicide, leaficide, insect killer, pump filters, pump gaskets, pumps, it all adds up.
Don't forget about the water bill. 110 degrees in the dry atmosphere of New River will evaporate approximately 426 gallons an *hour* from the pool.
God forbid your pH ever gets out of wack. Getting your pH back in wack is VERY expensive.
Get a koi pond. Don't put koi in it. Just stick your feet in it every now and then.
Your friend,
Marc
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I've got a galvanized washtub that works real well for feet soaking.
I bought it at a garage sale.
I think we could send it FedeX to Jim, he would have it tomorrow, and still be well under $37,283.
But I've probably caused enough trouble in that household by questioning the sanity of a 'Bama shrine.
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I've got one too. One for Jim, one for Ethel. It'll be a match made in heaven for under $100.00. No maintenance either.
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Jim,
Just read Ethel's comment. This can't be good.
Marc
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But you have a grandbaby now, and so you'll at least be here untill he enrolls at Alabama. So figure more like this: $40,000/20yr=$2000/yr $2000yr/100swims=$20/swim Plus, when you sell, it will be recouped by upping the resale value. Or figure like a Mastercard commercial. Cost of a pool- $40,000 Yearly upkeep of said pool- $1,000 Making Ethel happy AND watching that ugly baby splash around in his swimmies- priceless.
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Actually, I can't help but wonder why you assume that YOU'LL be here that long; you have Puckett genes.
But let's stipulate your point - even then, the idea of me swimming for 20 years is sort of silly. I'd be 70 years old - if alive, I'll be in a hospital bed with tubes running in and out of all of my orofices.
And one doesn't make Ethel happy by getting her something - one merely invites the next demand to take center stage.
I'm glad we had this little talk.
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