Here's a photograph that (attempts to) represent Ethel's economic stimulus package - what most folks called "our vacation":



                            
What's on the inventory? Since so much of this stuff is stacked so that you can't see it (if you want to see the full-sized image, click here) even though it was there when we took the picture, Ethel made a list. The manifest include the following (note - this does NOT include consumables purchased along the way, such as food and gasoline and garlic shrimp):

18 Aloha shirts
10 Touristy T-Shirts
8 Aloha dresses
5 beach towels
4 pairs board shorts
4# macadamia nut 100% Kona
4# assorted flavors of macadamia nuts
2# raw sugar (free with the coffee)
3 Hawaii soap company soaps
3 pairs sunglasses
3 Aloha girly shirts
3 toe rings
1 ankle bracelet
2 rash guard shirts
2 soy candles
2 Monkeypod Wood bowls
2 carved wood elphants (roll tide!)
3 coffee cups
2 mask/snorkel sets (1 RX vision)
2 pairs sandals
1 pair sleepahs
1 koa wood necklace
1 Great White hot sauce
1 silk bathrobe
2 batik sarongs
1 wood Hale'iwa North Shore sign (for da pool)
1 8 x 10 watercolor of bird of paradise
1 10 x 12 framed photo of Hanauma Bay
1 mounted & framed dried crab
2 shirt/shorts sets, size 14XXX for the uglee baby
2 aloha shirts matching the ugleebabee clothes for the daddy
1 aloha purse
1 dash board hula girl
1 panoramic picture of Makapu'u Point shoreline
1 set Seaglass bracelet & earrings
1 Tapa cloth painting
1 pewter crab jaws necklace
1 bone carved manly necklace
1 Ukelele
1 Final season Battle Star Galactica
2 kayak rentals
2 surfing lessons
4 surfboard rentals
2 parasailing trips
3 2-tank scuba dives
1 ridiculously overcompensating Rambo knive
1 coconut husk named "Wilson"
1 swimming pool
1 condo rental
1 car rental
3 roundtrip flights
1 surfboard necklace

...no partridge, no pear tree. (I suppose that it should be pointed out here that we didn't buy the coconut husk named "Wilson" - that was found outside the condo).

Also not included is two "man rings" that Silas bought, and lost in the sand.

...I don't suppose that this actually did anything to "stimulate the economy", since none of these purchase will help to increase production - if you really want to "stimulate the economy", then buy new machinery or computers or improve the infrastructure- anything that will increase personal productivity - buying a 'ukulele just keeps a man from working, and irritates his family.

You'll notice the "1 swimming pool" is in the list; that's because Ethel was in Punalu'u when she signed the contract

(editor's note: Ethel says that WE signed the contract. I'm pretty sure that I never did any such thing; if I had done such a thing, then I wouldn't be able to complain about how much the pool is costing, how long it's taking to get built, how much it costs, how big a mess it's making, how much it's going to cost, how we're wasting all of that water, and the high cost of the pool).

Now Ethel won't let me have a new mp3 player - even though my old Nano, the one that I repaired with (first) duct tape and (later) SuperGlue, will only play through one channel, which is going to cause deafness in my left ear - except for those brief periods where the right ear suddenly gets music for a tenth of a second, then stops, then starts, then stutters crazily - anyway, it needs help. But I can't have an mp3 player, because we spent all of our money in Hawai'i (and, of course, because we're buying a pool).

I'm trying to remember just how all of this stuff got purchased; I think I must have been napping at the time. I don't remember spending any money, anyway - other than, of course, on the 'Uke, which was wasted money, of course, because I've learned that it is, indeed, OMTAWING. But, as my old friend St. Cindy used to say, "Jim, sometimes you have to do that to learn not to do that".

In the meantime, I've got plenty of Aloha shirts and macadamia nuts, and - when the pool finally does get built - we'll have plenty of swimsuits (excuse me - "board shorts") and beach towels. Which is a good thing, because by then we'll be paying for the pool, and buying board shorts or beach towels will be completely out of the question.

I'm hoping that there's a spare week in between "recovering from the vacation" and "paying for the pool" during which I can buy a new mp3 player - at least, my left ear really hopes so.