I've been on Facebook now for several months, and still have no idea what I'm doing there.

                         

Sometimes I get Superpoked (which sound vaguely unwholesome - and, to a guy who just turned 50 and is facing a colonoscopy, it also sounds foreboding) and sometimes I get an email that says "Joe Webdude has commented on your status" (which is kinda scary to a status-conscious guy like me) and sometimes I get Group Invites or somebody has thrown a rubber chicken at me or commented on my profile...

...and the whole time that all off these events transpire, I'm siting in my office, not feeling any pokes or chicken slaps or anything. But Facebook assures me that they are, indeed, occurring.

I'm also on Twitter, but I'm not Twitterpated - I reckon I can't understand why anybody would want that kind of detail on my life's events. I don't even want to know that much about myself.

I reckon I'm just text-based email, when it comes down to it; I suppose I still like the simple transmission of ideas in words, with an occasional image file to cut the volume down by a factor of 1000 or so. I'm just not that connected - I have two active email addresses, and three phone numbers, but that seems to me to be enough. It's all I really want.

But when I get an email from Facebook that says "Susie Ubergeek has just chest-bumped you - chest-bump Susie back!" I think I'm supposed to do something about it, but I'm never sure what exactly that might be.