A Reverse Mortgage on my Life
The picture below is from Wolf Creek Ski Area, just outside of Pagosa Springs, CO - that's where I would be going, if my wife weren't such a cold-hearted so-and-so.
She won't go (she's so mean and selfish!) even though it's important to me. And I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
I hooked up this morning with Holy Jon and did five miles that took a long time but still felt like work - even though I didn't run my normal 12 on Wednesday (in fact, I didn't run at ALL on Wednesday). Then I went into the gym to lift, but my lifting was...well, it was bad. I was weaker than I was Monday. Which was weaker than I was last year. Which was weaker than I was the year before that.
In short, I'm losing my active years. They are slipping away from me, while I commute to the office, work all day, commute back home, and then spend my weekends doing landscaping.
And that leaves me thinking that maybe - just maybe - we've got this whole retirement thing bass-ackwards.
I'm 49 & 12/13 years old.
In 15 & 1/3 years, I'll be 65. I might be able to retire then, in relative financial comfort.
But, by that time, I'LL BE TOO OLD TO DO ANYTHING. And for dang sure I'll be too old to enjoy anything.
So I'm thinking - why don't I just go ahead and retire NOW, live off of my retirement savings, and then go back to work when I turn 65?
I mean, when I get that age, I'm gonna be sitting down all day long anyway. When you get elderly, you're bad-tempered and impatient - that's a lot like being at work.
As I look around me at the office, I see that most of these folks are behaving like they're already 65 year old. They sometimes forget what they are doing, they can only keep one thing in their mind at a time, and they've been known to snap at you if you ask them a question.
And sometimes they seem like they are napping - but it turns out that they are actually "working on a new product design".
So, just by being at work, we're already behaving like we're elderly. Why spend our youth acting that way, and then spend old age being that way? I say that we should spend our youth skiing off of cliffs, and then be elderly when we are old and GET PAID FOR IT by doing it at work.
It's kind of like sick time - I know that, by common wisdom, I should stay home when I'm sick. But if I stay at home, then I don't even have anything to distract me from how I feel. And when I'm at work, I'm uncomfortable anyway. So it seems to me that I'm better off going to the office when I'm sick, and staying home when I'm well (and, given the fact that I'm a software guy, I don't have to worry about spreading any germs; it's not like I actually interact with real, live PEOPLE).
So I can figure all of this out, and we can talk about it, and you can all understand it - but the problem is Ethel. How can I convince Ethel that it's in her interests to let me retire NOW, and work LATER?
Of course, she's gonna whine about "but we have a mortgage and bills - we have responsibilities" - but who cares? This is 2008 - everybody has defaulted on everything for the last three years! It's the ones who are actually paying their bills who are being punished; the ones who aren't paying get bankruptcy protection and bailouts. Let's face it - it's not fashionable anymore to pay your bills - that's so 1990s.
I don't want much - a one-bedroom apartment in Pagosa Springs (Silas can sleep on the sofa) and an old truck that will get me up to the ski area and over the four-wheel drive roads to the rock-climbing crags. I've already got all of the equpment, so I won't need outfitting; I've got enough skis, boots and climbing gear to kill myself several times over.
But - alas - that little bit that I desire will be denied me. Ethel will say "No", because that's what Ethel does. She'll say "No, you can't retire now and have a good life while you still can, because I need to be supported in the Style To Which I Have Become Accustomed. Now get back to work!" and she'll crack her whip and throw that bale of cotton on my back and sick the dogs on me
"Save The Whales". "Save the Baby Seals". "Save the Snail Darter". How come it's never "Save the Puckett"?
Not that you really want to hear this, but we've had three significant storms in VT since Wednesday. Lots and lots of very fluffy snow. That's the part you didn't want to hear.
I had to stop skiing at 3:00 yesterday because I had to do some paperwork for my boss at the mountain. It didn't seem fair to stop skiing when every singe run was first tracks because it was snowing so hard.
After I was done with the paperwork, I told my wife I was quitting my day job and I was just going to ski and teach skiing. She gave me "the look", which basically means that you and your dog and your skis will be very cold living in your car if you try anything that stupid.
So, here I am at work, as I was ordered to be, by my wife and some sort of societal rules. Then, my wife told me she's taking a vacation day to ski with some of her friends tomorrow, so I'd have to get the kids off to school and back home.
Life has so many degrees of unfairness.
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Damon:
I'm thinking that your comments should be filed under "Possibly well-meaning, but unhelpful"
Oh, how awful for you!
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Even though I knew my comments about the ski conditions wouldn't be helpful, I *thought* I was being empathetic. Maybe you can pick one of your dogs (not the stupid one) and I'll take my dog and we can both live in a car at a ski area and ski all the time. If we're going to do that, you can pick the resort. I can get a job teaching skiing just about anywhere and if I'm going to be so stupid as to abandon my family, I may as well travel out west to the good snow while I'm being a bum.
Society might not approve, but I'm not sure I approve of society anyway.
And just remember that you're still welcome to visit and ski at Sugarbush with me, but you Arizona types seem to prefer golf clubs to ski poles this time of year.
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Wow - once again, I'm wrong
See? I thought you were teasing, so I was teasing right back
That sounds like a great idea - a wonderful idea.
I don't have to pick "one of my dogs" - I only have one dog (we have three dogs; I have one
The minor problem with your suggestion (and I'm not discarding it just yet) is that "my car" is a Beemer X3 convertible, and it's difficult to sleep in - and me and my Malamutt won't both fit into it at the same time.
The big problem is that, like you, I can't abandon my family - besides, I can only go about three days without smelling whatsernane before I get distracted.
I want my family to abandon our present course and do the more comfortable equivalanet of your idea - give up the rat race and all of us become ski bums. But Ethel says no. She's funny that way
I've already got the area picked out - Wolf Creek. Great snow, 'tain't Californicated yet. Although I might be talked into Jay Peak, as long as there are actual walls (and a heating element) wherever I'm sleeping.
Thank you for the offer, and I might take you up on it. We only prefer golf clubs to ski poles right now because it's a half an hour drive to and from the golf course; it's over two hours TO the ski hill, and can be as much as twelve hours back:
http://fatcharliesdiary.com/posts/764.htm
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