...until the 2008 College Football Season begins.....


                                  


...and I, for one, am not ready.

I've simply not prepared properly for this fall season - I am not in physical shape. How am I going to be able to watch football from 3:30 until 10:00 PM on Thursday, from 4-9 PM on Friday, from 7 AM until 11 PM on Saturday,  11:30 AM to 8:30 PM on Sunday, and noon to 8 PM on Monday - while working, running, lifting and meeting my service commitments?

I should have been training for THIS, instead of that silly half-marathon. 13.1 miles of hills in the heat at near-max heartrates is nothing compared to the rough weekend I'm facing.

I reckon it's time to throw in the towel - just give up. I can't do it anymore. Just thinking about having to watch all of that football wears me out. Fuhgeddabouddit - I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna get myself a nice cup of chamomile tea and watch "Beaches".

Now, if I were Tim Tebow (pictured above in a Photoshopped poster stolen brazenly from deadspin.com) then I could do all of that, AND be the starting quarterback for the Florida Gators and win the Heisman Trophy, AND make great grades, AND work in a missionary hospital in the Phillipines, performing circumcisms on baby boys - all while looking like a buff Brendan Frasier.

"No! I'm not Tim Tebow, nor was meant to be
Am a bench-riding backup, one that will do
To help him warm up, sign in a play or two..."   -- apologies to T.S. Elliot

Spurrier is long-gone, and at his current location he's much more mellow; with Saint Tim at the helm, the only real remaining emotional obstacle keeping one from at least tolerating the Florida Gators is their incredibly garish colors - those colors do NOT exist in nature. They can only be found in Gainesville, and on the backdrops for really bad children's cartoons in the early 80s.

Well, besides the colors, there's that gator-chomp thing.

Wait a minute - I take it all back. There's not much difference - from an esthetic viewpoint - between the Gator Chomp and the Seminole Tomahawk thingy; I'm forced to conclude that any distaste that I have for the Gators is due to the aftertaste of Visor Boy. I have no doubt that the man can coach football teams to winning seasons - but, well, he's SMARMY.

(BTW - that' s not just me talking. It's not just Bama-conditioning. Many years ago, while the OBC was still in Gainesville, I had occastion to go to Boston on business; while there, I went for a run with my friend Phil, who is so Bostonian in speech and vocabulary that we had to take a translater with us. But butter my butt and call me a buscuit if the following is not true: when the conversation turned to SEC Football and Visor Boy, my friend Phil said that he was "smarmy", although he pronounced it "smah-my":)

Danny Wuerffel wasn't enough to wash the Spurrier-taste out of Gator football, and he was really as fine a human being as one is likely to run into. I don't think Tim Tebow will be able to do so, either, unless he were to renounce Spurrier and all his works - and, doggone it, St. Tim is way too humble to ever do such a thing.

I reckon I'm gonna have to keep hating Florida - but purely on principle. But I'll do so while liking Turbo Tim , and wishing him the best :)