Our dishwasher didn't work (in just the same way, I suspect, that our old sink didn't work - Ethel seems to have her own standards of functionality. I've figured out that "this doesn't work" means "I haven't spent enough money yet"). So Ethel decided to go get a new dishwasher.

Of course, I have to admit that I supported her in this folly; since she has decided that the old dishwasher didn't work (read: "I overload it and cover up the water holes and forget to put in Cascade and - just look! It didn't get this skillet clean!") she's started washing dishes by hand; for the first few days, she said "Gee, I sort of enjoy that - it's like therapy" but that turned into "How come you just go sit down after dinner, while I've over here washing these dishes? The least you can do is come over here and do them for me while I complain about the dishwasher!)

So I told her that, when we got our refund, she could get a new dishwasher. I then decided to move that up a couple of weeks - there are two reasons for this. The first reason was that Bud, my father-in-law, is staying with us, and Bud is the kind of guy who will walk over hot coals of fire to do household chores, such as installing new dishwashers. No - really; he LIKES that sort of thing

The second reason is that Bud, my father-in-law, is staying with us, and Ethel is keeping him busy by going to Home Depot and Lowes and spending money finding Bud things to do to keep happy. He's been replacing all of our old brass doorknobs that didn't work, and the brass towel bars that didn't work, and the brass robe hooks that didn't work (as you can tell, Ethel doesn't like brass. That's why she bought a house in which all of the hardware is brass. What might this tell you about Ethel's choices? Hint - she married me).

Obviously all of the knobs and bars and hooks didn't work, either. And switchplates - Ethel's had Bud replacing all of the switchplates. See, a white plastic switchplate costs about seventeen cents. A burnished-copper-colored switchplate costs about seventeen dollars. Guess which kind Ethel is having installed?

So I told Ethel that she could go ahead and get her dishwasher, under the twin assumptions that

a) I'd be able to save on the installation since Bud could do it while he's here, and
b) While Bud is installing the dishwasher, he won't be installing anything else, which will cut down on the time that Ethel is off at Home Depot and Lowes looking for thinks for Bud to install.

Since I'd be buying a dishwasher anyway, I figured that that's a "sunk cost", so maybe I could cut my losses.

However, I hadn't counted on Ethel's resourcefulness. She managed to cut me off at the knees, so to speak - now she's getting an even MORE expensive dishwasher, that Bud WON'T be installing, and that means that Bud will go right on spending money doing home improvements the whole time.

She said that she wanted a Maytag JetClean; she wanted at least a Maytag Jetclean, and she only wanted a Maytag Jetclean. She wanted a Maytag Jetclean with three trays, and three separate spray feeds; she had had a Maytag Jetclean, and she wanted another Maytag Jetclean. So, after looking at a bunch of Maytag Jetcleans, she bought a Bosch Evolution 500.

Itn her defense, I should point out here that i had never occurred to Ethel that she could spend that much money on a dishwasher; she had found the most expensive dishwasher that she could (that bing the Maytag Jetclean) and was willing to settle for it. But once she saw all of the new ones, she went gaga over them - she said, "Look, honey! Here are some dishwashers that cost hundreds more than the Maytags! have a lot of features that the Maytags don't have!

And again, I must admit that the Bosch seems to be even better made than the Maytag - at least, the door is heavier. It's a LOT heavier. It feels like it's made of plate steel, and like it was riveted to the hinges by Rosy the Riveter back during the Big One; it's hard to imagine that anything will ever be able to separate that door from the dishwasher.

And the interior of the Bosch is stainless steel - the big honkin' nylon trays are on wheels set directly into this steel siding. There's a lot of room in there - I know that Ethel has a fear of tornadoes, so I'm thinking that she's planning on this dishwasher doubling as a storm cellar. I can imagine an F5 twister taking out the house and garage, and leaving the dishwasher without a scratch - come to think of it, as heavy as the shielding is, it might also work as a bomb shelter. If the button ever does get pushed, I'm sure that this dishwasher will survive World War III - in fact, it'll probably go right ahead and complete its cycle.

Its very, very quiet cycle - I noticed that the decibel ratings for the Maytags went from 54-61 dB. However, the Bosch is rated the same as an Ohio class nuclear submarine - it is actually a sound sink, quieter than the ambient air. If you make a noise around this dishwasher while it's running, the dishwasher actually absorbs the noise.

It does it with a great energy rating, as well - as it turns out, the Bosch Evolution series dishwashers do not rely upon a heating element to dry the dishes. No, indeedy - instead, they use a dehumidifier to dry out the air and suck the water drops right into the atmosphere. (again I must quote Dave Barry - "I swear I'm not making this up").

It is the M-1 Abrams Main Battle Tank of dishwashers. I'm glad that Ethel's so tickled to have found it, and I'm especially glad that it's so durable and roomy inside - because, as it turns out, we can't afford both the house in Anthem and the dishwasher. So we're going to be moving in.

And I'll bet that we are all very squeaky clean, happily ever after - and spot free, too!
 

(editor's note: I'm sorry that those of you who are using the RSS feed got a duplicate hit on that last post; I had updated it, but it wasn't showing up, so I republished it as well, not thinking at the time about this fancy new technology. My apologies).